


Kink Negotiation

by using_this_name



Series: Crackity Crack [39]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Condoms, Crack, Drabble, Failwolf, Humor, Implied Mpreg, Knotting, M/M, Stripper Derek, safe sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-03
Updated: 2013-06-03
Packaged: 2017-12-13 20:39:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/828635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/using_this_name/pseuds/using_this_name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Communication is important in any relationship.  No matter how emotionally scarring that communication may seem to be.  I'm looking at you, Derek.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kink Negotiation

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Kink Negotiation](https://archiveofourown.org/works/939105) by [chatain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chatain/pseuds/chatain)



**Stiles:** Condom?

**Derek:** Don’t need it.

**Stiles:** EXCUSE ME?

**Derek:** We do not need a condom, Stiles. I think I was pretty clear.

**Stiles:** You can’t just say that and have it be true. I know you slept with a lot of sketchy people when you were a stripper cop. So I don’t really trust your health without test results.

**Derek:** I was never a stripper cop.

**Stiles:** Whatever you say, dude.

**Derek:** Anyway. Everyone knows that werewolves can’t get STDs!

**Stiles:** Yeah, do you have documentation of that? Pretty sure you could have super werewolf-STDs or something.

**Derek:** Yeah, no.

**Stiles:** Just wear the condom!

**Derek:** Um. There is also the matter of my massive amounts of werewolf sperm.

**Stiles:** WHAT NOW?

**Derek:** Yeah. My penis functions much like a wolf’s would. And even though I can control the rest of my wolfy abilities, I cannot control my penis at such emotional times.

**Stiles:** Yeah, that sounds completely made up.

**Derek:** It’s not! I swell up to, like, really big. Like really, really big.

**Stiles:**  I’m sure, baby.

**Derek:** And a condom would be really uncomfortable.

**Stiles:** Yeah, but condoms stretch. And I’ve got the extra-magnum ones right here.

**Derek:** Yeah, but that doesn’t address the issue of my sperm. I kid you not, if I wore a condom, it would be like a water balloon stuck in your…

**Stiles:** …I don’t think we need to complete that imagery.

**Derek:** But it’s true!

**Stiles:** Okay. We won’t use condoms.

**Derek:** Yeah!

**Stiles:** But we will also refrain from penetrative anal sex until you get tested.

**Derek:** Damn it!

**Stiles:** Of course, I could just top till then.

**Derek:** NO!

**Stiles:** Why not?

**Derek:** Um. ‘Cause…male werewolves can get pregnant?

**Stiles:** WHAT?!

**Derek:** Yeah? Yeah! I can totally get, like, ass-pregnant!

**Stiles:** Are you claiming that you have a uterus? To get out of bottoming? Really?

**Derek:** Yes! I mean, no! I do have a uterus…It’s a little known fact that werewolves have kept secret for centuries. Yeah. ‘Cause when werewolves first evolved…

**Stiles:** Yeah, we don’t need to go into that story. I’ll just wear a condom, ‘cause I don’t have a creepy werewolf penis. And I was planning to anyway. Do you even know what safe sex is?

**Derek:** But…

**Stiles:** I even brought my size! Pass the extra-magnum?

**Derek:** Damn it!

**Author's Note:**

> If you want updates as they happen, follow me on tumblr, where I am going by using-this-name (with dashes instead of underscores).
> 
> I would also LOVE any prompts that you would like to send me on tumblr. Any pairing, or any trope!


End file.
